KVE301/KVE401 Universal Human Values and Professional Ethics

Chapter 8: Harmony in Family – Understanding Values in Human Relationships

Unit 1

Unit 2

Unit 3

Unit 4

Unit 5

Appendix

Trust (Vishwas)

Trust or Vishwas is the foundational value in a relationship.

“To be assured that each human being inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and prosperous.”

Having faith in others and believing them. Mutual trust is a shared belief that we can depend on each other to achieve a common purpose. Trust is the expectation of people that they can rely on our word. It is built through integrity and consistency in relationships.

Trust-building is not the one-day work. This process of trust-building remain continues 24 hours and 365 days. One has to be honest in his approach otherwise trust will vanish. False commitment, false talks, and anything based on lies will erode the trust.

Proposal about Trust

To understand trust, let us examine the following proposals:

    • I want to make myself happy
    • I want to make the other happy
    • The other wants to be happy
    • The other wants to make me happy

Ask yourself this question: “When do I feel afraid of somebody, and when do I feel assured?”

The answer is:

    • We feel assured of the other person when we are sure that the other wants to work for my happiness and prosperity.
    • Whenever I feel the other will deny my happiness and/or prosperity, I am afraid of the person.

When we are assured that the other is for my happiness and prosperity, I have trust in the other. When this is doubted, I lake the trust and it becomes the source of fear.

Let us explore further the following:

    • Do I want to make myself happy?
    • Do I want to make the other happy?
    • Does the other want to make himself happy?
    • Does the other want to make me happy?

We may give an easy ‘Yes’ to the first question. In the third question, we give a small thought and say ‘Yes’ again. In the second question, we hesitate to answer first, then we become choosy and tend to say that there are a few whom I want to make happy, and I am not concerned about the rest. Or, we may also say that I want to make some people unhappy, or, we may say that I want to make only those happy from whom I derive happiness and other such things. But we are not able to give an easy ‘Yes’ in the beginning.

When we examine, we find that there are two parts in this exploration:

    1. Intention (wanting to – our natural acceptance)
      Competence (being able to do)
    2. The intention is what one aspires for (our natural acceptance), competence is the ability to fulfill the aspiration.

Intention (Natural acceptance)

1 a) I want to be happy
2 a) I want to make the other happy
3 a) The other want to be happy
4 a) The other want to make me happy

What we really want to be

Competence (Ability to fulfill)

1 b) I am always happy
2 b) I make the other always happy
3 b) The other is always happy
4 b) The other makes me always happy

What we really are

We have populated the questions and their answers below with tentative responses:

Intention (Natural acceptance)

1 a) I want to be happy
2 a) I want to make the other happy
3 a) The other want to be happy
4 a) The other want to make me happy

What we really want to be

Competence (Ability to fulfill)

? 1 b) I am always happy
? 2 b) I make the other always happy
? 3 b) The other is always happy
? 4 b) The other makes me always happy

What we really are

If we see this carefully we will realize that when we are judging ourself we are judging on the basis of our intention, whereas, when we are judging the other we are judging him on the basis of his competence. We are sure in point 2 a) that we want to make the other happy, but in point 4 a) we are not sure that the other wants to make us happy. We find that while we look at our intention, we are sure of it, we are not sure of the other’s intention. We are actually seeing their competence, and making a conclusion on their intention, we say “I wanted to do well, but I could not”. But for the other, we say “He did not want to do well”. “Wanting to”, is the intention, “could not”, is the lack of competence.

    • We trust our own intention while we are not ready to trust the other’s intention. It is the same for the others as well. They would also have the same answers as we, to the table above. While the other trusts his/her own intentions, he/she does not trust mine. Hence, mistrust is born and we deny the relationship.
    • We also see that we are not able to fulfill our intentions in terms of our competence at all times. It is the same for the other as well.
    • We want to be related to the other, and we want the other to be related to us, irrespective of who this other is. If we have trust in the other, we are able to see the other as a relative and not as an adversary. We then become ready to become a help to the other. Intentions are always correct; it is only the competence that is lacking, which can be improved by the right understanding.

We may ask, “How do we know what the other person’s intentions are?”
Ans: I can judge myself properly, and find out about myself. If I am sure of the answers to 1 and 2 above, then 3 and 4 are just a reflection of 1 and 2. (Other person is a reflection of me)

    • The mistake takes place because when I am looking at myself, I see my intention but, when I am looking at the other, I see his competence. As a result, I conclude about the intention of the other person based on his competence.
    • Intention-wise, all of us want to make ourselves happy and the other person happy. Whereas competence-wise, we all are unable to do this.
    • We also see that we are not able to fulfill our intentions in terms of our competence at all times. It is the same for the other as well.
    • We want to be related to the other, and we want the other to be related to us, irrespective of who this other is. If we have trust in the other, we are able to see the other as a relative and not as an adversary. We then become ready to become a help to the other. Intentions are always correct; it is only the competence that is lacking, which can be improved by the right understanding.

We can see that just as our competence is lacking and we fail to always make the other happy, the other’s competence is also lacking, which is why they fail to always make us happy in relationship. But when the other fails, we very quickly doubt their ‘intention’, which is what causes the problems in relationship.

Summarized by – Dr. Niyati Garg

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